I know that most have been caught off guard by the recent events and I sympathize with them. I, however, have been social distancing for my entire life, so this hasn’t been much of an interruption. In fact, for me it’s more or less a normal Thursday.
My wife commented the other day that it’s a good thing that our immediate family gets along so well. This is true, but any time you lock a family of four together in a house for an extended period of time, interesting conversations are bound to happen. The following is a sampler platter.
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My youngest son upon being asked to help set the table: “What am I, your servant now?”
My wife in a calm tone that would scare anyone in their right mind: “You must be joking.”
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Me: “Honey if I die before you, don’t remarry.”
My wife: “Hey. I told you that you should remarry if I die because I want you to be happy.”
Me: “Yeah, well you’re a better person than I am.”
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Me to anyone who will listen: “Being a huge college sports fan is like being a huge fan of minor league baseball….. You know I’m right.”
Everyone else: (Uninterested silence)
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Our dog: “Why won’t these people leave me in peace?”
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My teenage son: “I think I’m going to get something to eat.” (Repeated roughly every hour and forty five minutes.)
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Me: “This is only an emergency if I run out of parmesan cheese.”
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My teenage son: “I really need to focus on my schoolwork.”
Me: “Then you probably shouldn’t play video games so much.”
My teenage son: (Regretful silence)
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My youngest son: “Do you want to eat dinner and watch Master Chef?”
Everyone else: “Yes.”
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Me: “I think the neighbors are using premium birdseed. They seem to get more birds on their feeder.”
My wife standing next to me at the window: “Birdseed elitists. Their birdseed brings all the birds to their yard.” (fist bump)
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Me staring out the window talking to myself: “Pennsylvania was low on my list of preferred places to die. Above New Jersey and all countries ending in stan, but well below New Mexico and Louisiana.”
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My teenage son at 11 pm: “Where’s the sewing kit? I want to put some patches on something.”
Me: “Uhhh. Like right now?”
Him: “Yeah.”
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My wife: “You don’t care care if this ever gets back to ‘normal’ do you?”
Me: “Only for sports and concerts. Otherwise. No.”
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