Marc. Party Animal.
I’m an introverted person. I tend to avoid social gatherings. Recently I ran across a meme on the net that said, “My favorite party trick is not going.” I thought it was a funny, accurate description of me. My wife thought it was accurate,,,,, just accurate. For her sake, I have been putting a lot of effort into being more social. Now when she tells me we’re going out, I say, “Great.” Then we go out, and this is how I see the evening.
7:00 PM- We arrive at the gathering. Handshakes. I’m good with handshakes. Uh oh. We’ve got a hugger. I exchange an awkward hug with the other person, and then for approximately the next three minutes, I wonder to myself if the other person found the hug as awkward as I did. Because I’m thinking about that, I give a totally bizarre answer to a normal question that someone has asked. Them-“How is your dog?” Me-“He’s doing great. He’s getting really good grades this year.” Awesome, now I can move on from thinking about the awkward hug and start thinking about this fine exchange.
7:15 PM- I start to look for refreshments. I know that I’m going to be talking to a lot of people, and my hands are going to need something to hold, or they are going to needlessly get involved in the conversation. If I have a cup, it gives them a mission. Also, when one of those weird silences comes, I can always take a drink, or if my cup is empty, I can pretend to take a drink.
7:45 PM- I am standing off to the side, marveling at my wife as she carries on talking to people that she just met. Of the two of us, she has always been the outgoing one. That was great for me. We used to sit together in the back of our high school algebra class. Me with my mullet and baseball cap, looking uninterested and, in general, not happy to be there. (Believe it or not, I haven’t always been the ladies man that you see today.) She could have just ignored me, but instead, my pretty, outgoing wife thought it would be fun to badger the quiet guy in the back of the class with questions until he came out of his shell. So, I came out of my shell and convinced her to marry me. Be careful what you ask for.
8:15 PM- I know that there is a baseball game on. I try to find a spot where my wife can’t see me check my phone for the score. If she sees me, I’ll be sure to get a disapproving look. Then later, in the car, I’ll get the lecture that goes along with the look. I have been informed that this is impolite.
8:30 PM- I spot friends of ours. I take my cup over and start talking to them. Now I’m comfortable. I can handle this. Some strangers join our group and I think to myself that I might not even look socially weird to them.
9:30 PM- I am finally fully comfortable.
9:45 PM- Time to go home. In the car I tell my wife how exhausted I am. She rolls her eyes, pats me on the shoulder, and tells me I did pretty good.
As you can see I am the life of the party, and if you ever see me in the corner with my phone at a get together I’m probably still wondering if you thought that initial hug was as weird as I did.
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