I’m back from vacation. Contrary to the rumors, I did not join a doomsday cult. I am in the process of organizing one. Fake religions can be quite lucrative.
When flying to your vacation destination, nothing is more enjoyable than the airport security line gauntlet. It used to be that the rules were the same for everyone. Take the computer out of your bag, take your shoes off, don’t have any keys or coins in your pocket. Now it’s different everywhere you go. In fact, it’s different at multiple spots within the same airport. At one line they’re like, “Hey, what are you doing? Why are you taking your shoes off?” At another one it’s, “Put that computer back in the bag, what are you, dumb?” One line over it’s, “Sir please remove your shirt and shorts. Then we’re gonna need you to do ten pushups while we frisk you and rearrange the contents of your carry-on.” None of this actually makes you any safer. It just frustrates you.
The line for security on the return leg of your trip is invariably worse. Gone is the excitement and anticipation of getting to your destination. Nope. Now you’re just on the way home. If the vacation was a good one, you’re tired and maybe a little sunburned and you just want to sit down. Everyone else in line feels the same way. It’s even worse if you’re in line with an annoying person.
On this last vacation, the annoying guy in line was “frat guy who is too old to still be frat guy.” There he was in his dress shorts and polo shirt. He had many little and loud comments that were supposed to be amusing for the whole crowd. When we were halfway through line, I finally realized who he reminded me of. Troy, the preppie bad dude from The Goonies. I started to giggle. I told my wife. “Hey look, it’s Troy from The Goonies. His dad’s gonna tear down the Goon docks and build a country club. What a jerk.” She also found this funny. We spent the rest of our time in line quietly yelling, “Andy, you goonie!”
There it is. My suggestion on how to make your security line experience better. Find someone in line who looks like the villain from a classic 80’s movie and mercilessly make fun of them with quotes from the film. It works.
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