LONGWALKABOUT

I’m getting old. I went to a wedding in Florida this weekend and the bride and groom looked like kids to me. When time came for me to congratulate them, I think I said something like, “You two whippersnappers make a beautiful couple. Do you mind if my wife takes a picture of us with her Polaroid Instamatic?”

I do enjoy a good wedding. Here are the five best things about weddings.

1. Getting dressed up. I complain and complain about putting on a suit.   Then I get dressed and something happens. I feel like James Bond. I start using big words that don’t really apply to the situation. I start tipping everyone. I start using Rat Pack terms. You know what I mean? No? Here’s an example. We go to Hallmark to get a card. I’m like “Hey kid, where do they keep the Shoebox cards? Those things are inscrutable. Here, take these Washington’s, have lunch on me. I like the cut of your jib.”
2. Hanging out with friends. It doesn’t matter if they’re new friends or old ones. Everyone is a captive audience for the duration of the ceremony and reception. If you don’t have fun it’s your own fault. So, sit, shoot the breeze, and make fun of the table that is too embarrassed to get up and dance.
3. Dancing. I never in a million years thought that I would say that. I enjoy the dancing. I still don’t know how to dance, but if I make it through a three-minute song and stay on beat, I feel like I accomplished something. The key to dancing is realizing that half of the room is drunk. They aren’t really paying attention to you. They’re just trying not to fall over. Someday when they start handing out participation trophies at weddings (which they inevitably will) I will proudly stand on stage with my Capri Sun and orange wedges and accept mine. I will have a speech prepared. “First and foremost, I would like to thank all of the people who are more uncoordinated than me. You have made this moment possible.”
4. Being reminded of your own wedding. I have been married for fifteen years. My wedding isn’t something that I think about all that often anymore. When I sit there and watch two people commit to each other, whether it’s for love, financial reasons (you know who you are, you gold diggers), or shotgun (pregnancy) reasons, I get reminded of my wedding. I remember how young we were and how pretty my wife looked and how they played Bon Jovi at our reception.
5. The free food. That’s pretty self-explanatory. I love food. From the appetizers to the cake. Bring it on.

I’m starting to run out of friends who are the marrying age. Time to hang out with some younger people. I might look like the creepy older guy, but I’m really just here for the wedding invite.

LINKS

• October 18 is Alaska Day.  Celebrate Seward’s Folly by checking out Alaska’s tourism site.
• Jane Fonda just revealed that she went skinny dipping with Michael Jackson.  I’m sorry, but that sounds like the worst celebrity skinny dipping party ever.
• There was a shooting at Zombie Con down in Florida this weekend.  That’s awful, but you guys were kind of asking for it.
• The upcoming season of Downton Abbey will be the last.  Here is the first preview trailer.

My week has been full already.  I’ve bought a suit, played several games of tag in the backyard, broken up at least four brother fights, and taken the boys to the bus stop while wearing the most awesome green sweatpants that I own.  Time for some absolutely random observations.

• I’m not sure who is actually in charge of what gets put on TV.  Sometimes I think it’s a focus group of kindergarteners from  Beverly Hills.  Whoever it is.  I would like to make a request.  Please, no more medical shows.  Nothing is sillier than an actor saying things like, “We can’t make any mistakes because mistakes are the difference between life and death.”  I’ve been in many hospitals, and I have never heard anyone say anything like this.  Mostly it’s just people doing paperwork and reminding their bosses that it is time for their smoke break.
• I went suit shopping this week.  It was as fun as it sounds.  I realized I was in the wrong store when the guy offered me a custom-made suit.
• The guy in charge of the second place I went to find a suit measured me and told me what size I should be looking for.  An hour later I brought my choice to the counter.  He didn’t remember me.  I have to admit, I was disappointed.  An hour ago he had virtually hugged me while taking my measurements.  I guess that meant nothing to him?
• General Mills has announced it will make a limited run of Lucky Charms boxes containing only marshmallows.  This is great because it will save me the trouble of throwing out the remaining cereal after my six year old has surgically picked every marshmallow out of the bowl.
• Today I am preparing for an upcoming wedding.  By preparing I mean mentally toughening myself because I know I will be dancing.  My wife says that she’s not a good dancer.  That’s not true at all.  She naturally knows how to move.  When I dance, I feel like I probably look like someone who is trying really hard not to step on a mouse.
• I love Trader Joe’s.
• It is slightly uncomfortable when the person ringing up your groceries at the store (not Trader Joe’s, remember, I love Trader Joe’s) tries to have an in depth conversation with you.  “How many kids do you have?  What are you doing this weekend?  Where did you go to high school?  What kind of deodorant do you have on?  Have you had a doctor look at that mole on your neck?  I might get my nipple pierced, what do you think?”  Look, if we’re going to be this close, at least give me a hug like the guy at the suit store.

Have a great Friday.  Come by on Sunday.  Like longwalkabout on Facebook.  Follow @longwalkabout on Twitter.

My three avid readers may remember that I made a list of ten things that I wanted to accomplish over the summer months.  This is my report card, or as one of my hippie dippy college professors called it, my ‘self evaluation.’  I’ll go over each of the items and either explain how I succeeded gloriously, or how I failed gloriously.  We don’t do mediocre.  Here we go.

1. Learn Spanish with the kids.  Ummm.  We did do some learning, but not nearly enough to survive on the run in South America.  I will continue to put effort in this area because being on the run in South America sounds like a great adventure, and I want to be prepared.
2. Build a killer treehouse.  Success.  It has a trap door and a rope ladder.  It will soon have a pirate flag.  I may have gone a little overboard.  I think it has more square footage than my first apartment.
3. Get some arrows.  Success.  I found a bunch of arrows at the awesome local thrift shop.  I am proud to report that no one went to the emergency room.  Even when we started shooting the arrows straight up in the air.  I would also like to report that the neighbors cat (the one who keeps pooping in my mulch) is much faster than he looks.
4. Take the kids to the Statue of Liberty.  Success.  We had a great time exploring Ellis Island and walking around the statue.  If you end up going there on a day trip, take a lunch.  If you don’t, you will end up having to take out a home equity loan to feed your family of four.
5. See a movie in the park.  Twice we planned.  Twice we were rained out.  Attempt made.
6. Attend Reggae in the Park.  I forget why, but I just didn’t make it.  I’m sure that it was less fun simply because I wasn’t there.
7. Spend lot of time at the local library.  Success.  My kids read a lot.  I won’t say they knew us by name over there because I was mostly avoiding eye contact or chasing my youngest through the stacks, but if you went to the desk and asked for the guy who comes in every week and always tells his boys no when they want to buy candy,,,, they’d know who you were talking about.
8. Take the boys to two movies in one day.  Success,,, kind of.  Okay, so we didn’t see two movies in one day.  What I did do was find coupons for the new Avengers movie, make a bag of my own popcorn, fill my own water bottle,  and cram it into a shoulder bag.  Whole movie experience= $14.00.  DAD WIN.
9. Keep the car clean all summer.  No one caught Legionnaires disease or tuberculosis from riding in our car, so I’m calling it a success.
10. Finish my book.  Not done yet but it’s coming along.

Six out of ten.  That’s a bad test score but a great batting average.  It’s all about perspective.

LINKS

• Some people put together a really creepy haunted house out in California.  You have to sign a waiver before you go in.  Here is the promo video.  Warning:  It’s creepy and there are a lot of pigs.
• Remember that famous Alcatraz escape in 1962?  Family members of some of the inmates are saying that they actually survived their swim in the bay.
• October 17th, 2015 is Bridge Day at the New River Gorge in West Virginia.  One year I took a rafting trip that ended underneath the bridge.  We sat there for a couple hours watching people hurl themselves off the 876 foot high span.  It’s worth the trip if you ever get a chance.  Here is some footage from last year’s event.
• I started with creepy and I’ll end with creepy.  Here is a slideshow of cool ghost towns.

 

I am still in mourning for my beloved Pittsburgh Pirates, so please forgive me if I start spouting about the Cubs, billy goats, 1908, a first baseman who fields and hits for power, and the need for robotic umpires.  Seriously, if you’re going to bother putting up the strike zone on TV just to show me how inconsistent the umpire is, don’t be surprised when I start to question the need for overweight dudes who can’t get the calls right.  Sorry.

• Kevin Corcoran passed away this week.  For those unfamiliar with the name, he was the kid in Old Yeller and the youngest kid in Swiss Family Robinson.  If you’re keeping score at home, that would be one movie that horrified me as a child, and one movie that delighted me as a child.   The kid had range.
• I wish people would stop wringing their hands about NFL players having lasting injuries when they retire.   Cut it out with the “I don’t know if I should watch football if those guys are getting hurt.”  Do you know what some of the most dangerous careers are?  Truck Driver-  In 2012 alone, 756 truck drivers died in work related incidents.  Construction Worker-  In 2013 construction industry deaths accounted for upwards of 20% of work related deaths.  I’ve worked in the trades.  You carry lasting injuries from those jobs when you retire, and no one cheers you on while you are working.  Well, there was one time, but I’m pretty sure that lady was drunk.  Look, I don’t see you saying “Ooh, I’m not sure I can shop at that store because someone who was delivering the food may have been injured or killed while he was working.” Or, “I’m not sure I can live in a house anymore because the construction industry is super dangerous.”  Life isn’t perfect.  Zip it.                      Wow. I am in a mood.
• I will now take a minute to go to my happy place.
  

  Skinny Legs. My Happy Place in St. John.

   

• Didn’t work.  Man, that game was depressing.
• I took my wife out to lunch for Mexican food today.  Normally I don’t like to try new dishes at a restaurant.  Odds are 50/50 that you’re gonna end up thinking, “Well that was a waste of 14 dollars.”  Mexican food is the king of all foods because you can’t go wrong no matter what you choose.  Nachos- delicious.  Tacos-  delicious. Burritos- delicious.  Enchiladas- delicious.  I could go on like Bubba from Forrest Gump.  The only thing you have to be wary of is that mole sauce.  That’s not for everyone.  We took my wife’s grandmother out for Mexican once, and what did she choose?  Some dish with mole sauce.  That really shouldn’t be your first Mexican dish.  You’ve been warned.
• I hope the Cubs get food poisoning.
• Good night.

I remember when I first discovered the “free refill.”  What a magical time.  “You mean I can get food that is really bad for me,,,, and I can fill my cup with soda as many times as I want?”  Twenty pounds later I had to rethink my eating habits.

The crack research department here at longwalkabout.com has determined that the first free refills were offered by Taco Bell in 1988.  It didn’t become a widespread practice until the time when I was graduating high school.  This was perfect timing.  My friends and I were working together at a summer job, and almost every day we would have lunch down at the Bell.  Some of us would buy lunch, some of us would bring it.  I was a lunch buyer.  A 7 layer burrito and two bean burritos plus my refills.  I know.  It’s a lot.  Don’t judge me.

Every now and then you have to break up the routine.  One day we decided to take full advantage of the refill system at our regular lunchtime haunt.  For some reason one of us had an empty two liter bottle.  We could have just gone to the store and paid two dollars for another bottle of soda.  But no.  It would be more fun and much more of a challenge to try to fill the empty bottle with refill after refill from the soda fountain.  How do you approach a heist like this?  Like you are robbing a Vegas casino with George Clooney.  One of us was the lookout.  One of us was the designated pourer, and one of us shielded the designated  pourer from the view of the extremely disinterested staff at the Bell.  Things went well for about a liter.  Then the pourer started to get antsy.  It takes an unbelievable number of trips to the soda fountain to fill a two liter bottle.  Especially when you’re using a small cup.  In hindsight,  a large size would have been more efficient.  He said, “We’re gonna get caught.”  We urged him not to crack under the pressure.  I’m not quite sure what we expected to happen if we did get caught.  Maybe the Taco police would come busting through the kitchen and there would be a mad scramble for the exit.   All of us but one would make it out, where we would hop into our getaway vehicle.  The one guy who got caught would be thrown onto the terracotta tile floor, have his hands zip tied, and be dragged into the walk-in freezer.  Once in the freezer he would be secured in a metal chair and the head of the Taco police (who has a glass eye and six fingers on his left hand) would proceed to waterboard him with hot sauce until he gave up all of our addresses and phone numbers.

In the end the pressure was too great for the pourer.  He left the 2/3 full two liter in the booth.  One of us did go back in and get it.  I don’t think we ever drank it because, not surprisingly, it had lost most of its fizz.  The heist was essentially successful, but  our future in high pressure con games didn’t look promising.

LINKS

• Some cool aerial footage of a guy stand up paddle boarding with two whales off the coast of Australia.
• A guy in Italy was late for his flight, so he decided to delay it with a bomb threat.
• The trailer for The Walk is visually stunning.  I might leave my house to go see it.
• Some employees at Toronto’s airport went above and beyond when a little girl lost her teddy bear.  Proving again that Canada is lucky to have us as a neighbor because they’re just too nice.

Let’s play a game.  It’s called the First World Inventions/Am I An Awful Person? game.  I am going to list five inventions that are borderline ridiculous and only exist in first world countries.  Keep score at home.  At the end of the article you can discover how good (or bad) of a person you are.

1. Remote control window blinds-  Seriously.  What are you a Bond villain?  This is one of those add ons that window treatment companies will try to sell you.  I’m sorry that getting out of your chair to close the blinds is too much effort.
2. Roombah-  Who has floor space clear enough to use one of these?  They obviously don’t have children.  If I had one, it would be sliding around the living room, full of Legos while the boys shot at it with Nerf guns because, hey, moving target.
3. 

   Our famous/infamous can opener.

   Electric can opener-  My wife disagrees with me on this one.  I’m going to put it in here because I am biased.  We went though the first 13 years of our marriage using just a camping can opener.  It was small, had no handle, and whenever we had guests who wanted to help in the kitchen, they couldn’t figure out how to use it.  We bought several regular can openers that were supposed to replace it, but they always broke.  A year ago, my mom (who thought the 13 year streak was ridiculous) bought us a nice can opener (non-electric).  I am forced to admit that it was an upgrade.  Electric can openers, however, are silly and hard to clean.  They always get all gunked up with stuff from the cans.  If you exercised your wrists using a regular can opener, maybe you wouldn’t need the next product.

4. The Snuggie-  Bought a Snuggie?  The joke is on you.  You probably already had one.  It’s called a robe.  If ever the need for a blanket with sleeves arose, you could have just grabbed a robe, put it on backwards and sat down on the couch to do whatever people who have issues with cold wrists do.  I would just like to point out that regular blankets have been doing a fine job at keeping people warm for, I don’t know, thousands of years.
5. A TV that is 70 inches or larger-  I know.  It’s kind of judgy of me.  But c’mon.

If you own one of these, you’re probably okay.

If you own two, you’re still probably okay.

If you own three.  Uh oh.

Four.  Yeah, you’re probably not that great of a person.

Five.  You are a Bond villain.  An eccentric one.  But let’s be honest, is there any other kind?  I picture you sitting on the couch in your Snuggie, eating a can of Chef Boyardee that you opened with your electric can opener, petting your white cat while you use the remote control to close the blinds because the sun was causing a glare on your huge television.  Oh, and your Roombah is stuck in the corner.

I get it.  Marvel pretty much owns summer movies these days.  I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy superhero movies.  I do.  But they’re starting to wear a little thin.  How many times can you save the earth from aliens or megalomaniacs?  Hold  on the phone is ringing……….   That was Marvel.  They say you can save the earth until it isn’t profitable anymore.

In this post I am going to make the case that Crocodile Dundee is better than most Marvel characters.  There are a gazillion Marvel guys and I don’t have the time, or the desire, to do a side by side comparison for each of them.  Today I’m just going to go over some highlights.

• The Hulk–  He’s big, he’s green, he likes to break stuff.  I’m down with all of that.  It’s Bruce Banner I can’t stand.  What a wuss.  If you visited Bruce Banner at his apartment, or lair of sadness, or wherever he hides out, you’d find him watching foreign films.  To quote Bowling For Soup, his iPod would be full of “singers who are mad at their dad.”  Mick Dundee would never live a sad life like that.  He is totally comfortable in his own skin.  He only got bummed out once, when he thought a girl chose a doofus over him.  Did he sulk?  Nope.  He decided to go check out America.  As far as breaking stuff goes, Mick killed a crocodile with a knife.  Good enough.
• Thor–  Thor is cool.  I just get the impression that he’s not all that bright.  The alien family drama is tiresome.  The hammer thing is just kind of silly.  Really, he’s just a poor man’s Superman.  Mick Dundee is way more fun to watch.
• Wolverine-  Let’s just say that he shares an iPod with Bruce Banner.  He’s another guy with more angst than the entire sophomore class at your local high school.  Mick has none of these problems.  In his second autobiographical film he was in the outback, being chased by a crazy cartel boss who had kidnapped his buddy, and then his girlfriend mistakenly shot him.  Angst level during all of this – zero.  In fact he was kind of having fun.
• The Entire Fantastic Four–  Not just because the movies were bad.  Let’s run it down.  Stretchy guy, invisible girl, fire guy who can fly, and big rock guy.  Nobody cares about stretching.  Ask Gumby.  Fire guy, meh.  Invisibility is cool.  Rock guy is a poor man’s Hulk.  Mick can sneak around in the outback as if he were invisible, he rescued his girlfriend from a drug lord’s compound, he was raised by Aborigines, he has no idea how old he is, he can basically speak to animals, and again, he killed a crocodile with a knife.  Not to mention the cool Australian accent.  So yes, he’s better than the entire Fantastic Four.

There are some great Marvel characters.  Iron Man (before he started hanging out with Bruce Banner in Age of Ultron),  and my personal favorite, Ant Man.  Those guys are on the level with my hero Crocodile Dundee.  Why?  Because they don’t take themselves too seriously.  But neither of them can throw a boomerang.

LINKS

• The theme song for the new Bond movie is out.  Here is an article about it.  It’s called Writing’s On The Wall.  Listening to it is like taking an Ambien and following that up with a Lunesta. They should have just let Adele do it again.
• Researchers have discovered that chimpanzees love horror movies.
• There was a fight over a Nutella sample at Costco.  What a great sentence that is.
• September 25 is Mark Hamill’s (Luke Skywalker’s) birthday.  From the looks of these autographs he’s getting tired of signing Star Wars stuff.

Ahhh, high school.  High school is miserable.  For most of us high school is something to endure.  It’s like waterboarding or winter or a Tyler Perry movie.  You grit your teeth and do what you have to do to survive, like the Donner Party.  What makes it bearable?  Your buddies.  That’s really about it.  You hang out, you keep each other entertained, and you help each other along.

On some weekends during the schoolyear, my friends and I would get together at one of our houses and do incredibly productive things.  In fact we finished a lot of things at these get togethers.  Many pizzas, two liters, video game levels, and bad movies on USA’s Up All Night.

One Saturday night we ended up bringing a guy along who wasn’t a regular.  Everything was going fine.  The pizza was good and the cans of grocery store soda were adequate.  We were taking turns in the WWF Royal Rumble on Sega Genesis.  At ten o’clock we looked over and the new guy was asleep on the couch.  This was simply unacceptable.  We were willing to cut him a break.  Maybe he wasn’t aware of the etiquette in situations like this.  The proper thing to do is stay awake until you are falling asleep on your feet.  You have to get all the fun out of the evening that you can.  When you just can’t stay awake any longer, then you are free to sleep on whatever furniture or floor is available.  Absolutely no one falls asleep at ten.

We needed to wake up the new guy and explain to him the error of his ways.  To us, the most logical way to wake him up was to toss empty soda cans at him.  I don’t remember how many cans were actually thrown, but let’s just say that it was not an insignificant number.  Double digits for sure.  One or two may not have been empty.  Sorry about that.  Ten minutes later he was asleep and surrounded by cans.

What to do next?  The house we were at was fairly isolated.  We decided that it would be fun to cut the lights and wake him up suddenly, claiming that we had seen someone outside one of the windows.  One of us rounded up some baseball bats from the garage and then we shook him awake, shoved a bat in his hand and worriedly explained that there was a prowler.  What followed can best be explained as ten hilarious minutes of checking windows and doors with one scared guy and three other guys who were trying really hard not to laugh.  Ten minutes without laughing was pretty good.  Somebody finally did laugh and for a second or two we wondered if giving the guy a baseball bat had been a good idea.  Eventually we all returned to the Royal Rumble and the new guy stayed awake.

Moral of the story:

1.  High school buddies are good.  In fact, you may never have better friends than you did in high school.
2.  Never ever ever be the first guy to fall asleep.  EVER.  Nothing good will come of it.

 

Here are some things to think about while you enjoy the beautiful weather this weekend.  Or, if you live in California.  Things to think about in between rain dances.

• Let’s just say that Bigfoot exists.  But…..  What if Bigfoot actually has small feet and he’s really embarrassed by that?  What if he has developed prosthetic feet to use so that he can leave larger more intimidating footprints?
• Note to churches that are upset about there being no young people in the pews.  I believe in Christianity and the value of attending church.  If you want to attract more young folks, start by updating the hymnal.  I was looking through it while ‘listening’ to the sermon, and I noticed that it was filled with songs that my great grandfather would have considered oldies.
• I was pondering the Tortoise and the Hare the other day and I came to the conclusion that Slow and Steady only wins the race if Fast stops to take a nap.
• If aliens landed on earth on a Sunday during football season and popped on the TV, based on the commercials they would be forced to conclude that most football fans are alcoholics with erectile dysfunction that love to gamble on fantasy football and are in desperate need of a new car insurance company.  Maybe they wouldn’t be all that wrong.
• Everyone is rightly upset about what the ladies on The View said about nurses this week.  Let’s turn the whole thing around and ask why they have broadcaster’s microphones in front of them.
• I am skeeved out by products that mask bad odors.  An honest advertisement for these products would go something like, “So And So Good Smell Spray, for when you really need to mask the smell of the squalor you choose to live in.”
• You may have heard about the two high school football players in Texas who blindsided the ref.  Well, never mind whatever really happened there.  One of those kids has one of the most amazing mullets I’ve ever seen.  My high school mullet bows to his mullet out of respect.
  

  image via abcnews.go.com

• So, some guy in Florida accidentally set a king cobra loose.  I imagine that he feels like I feel when I set my kids loose at one of those party places with inflatables.  “Something bad could happen here, but it might not, but it could, but it might not, but odds are good.”

LINKS

• Who doesn’t love a news story about an out of control ice cream truck?
• Today is the fortieth anniversary of the arrest of Patty Hearst.  For those of you unfamiliar with the Patty Hearst story and all it’s strangeness, here is an explanation of what went down.
• Mobs of tourists were disturbing nesting sea turtles in Costa Rica.  Why do sharks exist?  Sharks exist to eat these people.
• Some guys were doing some serious killer clown pranks in Vegas.  As someone who is already wary of clowns, let me say NO,,,,,,  just NO.

Everyone is now back into the school groove.  My youngest saw his preschool teacher in the hall during his first week back and said, “Can you believe I made it to first grade.”  He’s his father’s son.  I walk around thinking, “Can you believe people trust me with adult responsibilities?”

I’m glad the kids are back in school now.  Since the internet loves lists, here are the five best things about back to school time.

1. I may have mentioned several sentences ago that I’m shocked when people trust me with adult responsibilities.  This year my wife entrusted me with the back to school shopping list.  I have to be honest, I kind of liked it.  It was like a scavenger hunt.  Pencils, erasers, glue sticks, steno pads.  I printed some coupons, checked my Cartwheel app, and took the kids to Target.  “Can we get a toy dad?”  “No kids we are on a mission.”  I do think teachers always put one item on the list just to screw with you though.  They’ll get really specific sometimes.  Like. “Please bring in one box of crayons that contains no more than 15 and no less than 13 crayons.  And please ensure that one of those colors is magenta.”
2. Now that there is no one around during the day to tell me they are hungry every half hour I am getting an amazing amount of work done.
3. School is a much more structured environment.  The kids need that.  If I was a drill sergeant and our house was some kind of military school, it would go something like this.  “Privates, stand at attention, or continue lounging.  It’s your call.  Now that I have your partial attention, here is the schedule for tomorrow.  We will wake between 0700 and 0830,  upon which time we will make Eggo waffle and Nutella sandwiches.  Then we will put on our least wrinkled shorts and t-shirts.  At some point between 0930 and 1030 we will decide what we are doing for the day and then we will go do that, completely forgetting that we have not planned for lunch.”
4. Since every night is a school night, the kids now have to go to bed early.  This gives me plenty of time to binge watch shows on Netflix.  This can be a bad thing though.  Case in point.  I just watched a British show about a serial killer.  It starred Gillian Anderson (Scully from the X-Files).  That ruined the show for me.  The whole time I was wondering  why Scully had a bad British accent and where the aliens were.  To make matters worse, the serial killer was played by the guy from 50 Shades of Grey.  Not only was he mediocre, now I can never watch 50 Shades because the whole time I’ll be thinking, “DON’T LET HIM TIE YOU UP,,,,,,  HE’S GOING TO KILL YOU!”
5. I like picking the kids up from school.  I pull up in the car line, the principal and I talk some baseball while I wait, and then my boys come walking out the door.  My big guy holds my little guy’s hand until they get to the passenger door of the car.  I know they make them do this for safety, but it’s still a great image, and he’d probably do it anyway because he’s a good big brother.